“The mess that I created is so enormous I have no idea where to begin cleaning it up.” That’s how I introduced myself at my first Suppers meeting. Not only am I a junk food junkie, I have brought three children into the world who eat garbage too. My husband and I are always at each other’s throats. There is rarely a time when we’re all in a good mood at the same time except maybe in the middle of the night if we’re all asleep.

What I heard at Suppers was beyond overwhelming: Eat whole food. Rest. Have meaningful physical activity in your life. It sounds so simple, doesn’t it? Simple but not easy. It was beyond overwhelming and I said so. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Don’t worry, part of the process is rebelling against what you learn.” Well if that’s the case I fit right in. I had an argument against every change I knew I had to make.

My kids won’t eat this.

I’m too tired to read all the labels.

I’m too depressed to cook.

My husband thinks it’s a kid’s God given right to eat cookies.

Candy keeps them quiet in the car.

My husband will kill me if the kids whine more for things I won’t give them.

I work. I have no time for all of this.

I really don’t care about what’s healthy. I just want to feel better.

Obviously I was trying the patience of the people at the table. One member asked, “What’s the connection between what you eat and how you feel?”

What is the connection? I must have assumed there was a connection or why would I go to Suppers? This question of connection struck right to the heart of my problem: I have a disease of disconnection. Once somebody asked me the right question, the answers emerged from the jumble inside me.

I use coffee for headache prevention.
I feel totally dependent on coffee and donuts to get through the morning of work.
The weight connection is obvious, I’m always scrounging around.
The constipation connection is obvious, no vegetables, hard stools.
Soda and chocolate help me rally in the afternoon.
Dinner is often delayed by our need to have a couple drinks, so the kids are often up too late.
My belly is flat in the morning and bloated by afternoon.

It took a while for me to make connections about the rest of the family, but they started revealing themselves too.